dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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