What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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