I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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