she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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