Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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