"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
