Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
