if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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