it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
