Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
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