only if we run a train.
done.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
