Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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