no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
