biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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