hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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