I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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