i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
fuck your aforementioned shoe
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
