well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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