My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
