Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
