if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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