kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
