i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
