I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
