Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
