The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
