have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
