Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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