how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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