did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
