your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
