; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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