Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
