We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
