I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
