i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
