So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
