now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's always time for handjobs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
