still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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