Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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