Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
