I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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