Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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