oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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