What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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