We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
