3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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