but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
