I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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