so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
