omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
