Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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