i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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