He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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