So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
