she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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