Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
