is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We need to rekindle our bromance
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
