yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
