She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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