I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
