I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
