i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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