Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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