I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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