she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
