Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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