My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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