I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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