im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
