We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
