I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
