come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
