my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
