I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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