he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
